In a country where you can’t even defend your girlfriend from a violent mob without being treated like the problem, welcome to Washington, D.C.—where criminals walk free and heroes get stitches. This week, we were treated to another episode of soft-on-crime lunacy when two teenagers, part of a violent group that brutally beat Edward “Big Balls” Coristine, were sentenced to… drumroll, please… probation. That’s right. No jail. No accountability. Just a gentle slap on the wrist and a “hope you learned your lesson” from a judge who seems more interested in feelings than justice.
Now, if you’re wondering who Edward Coristine is, he’s not just some random guy. He’s the 19-year-old former DOGE employee who made headlines back in August when he got jumped by a gang of 10 teens while trying to protect his girlfriend during an attempted carjacking. He didn’t run. He didn’t hide. He put himself in harm’s way to save someone else. That used to be called bravery. In today’s Democrat-run cities, it’s just another day in the ER.
According to police, Coristine was walking his friend to her car around 3 a.m. when a group of teenagers started hurling threats. He rushed her into the car, locked the door, and turned to face the mob. They slammed him into the car and began pummeling him. He suffered a broken nose and a concussion. And for what? Trying to keep a woman safe from a pack of predators.
And what do these little monsters get? Twelve months probation for the boy. Nine months for the girl. No jail time. No consequences. Their names weren’t even released. Because apparently, in the eyes of D.C.’s juvenile courts, protecting the privacy of violent criminals is more important than protecting the public.
The judge said juvenile court is “not to punish but to rehabilitate.” Well, that’s lovely. Maybe next time they’ll rehabilitate someone else’s skull. It’s hard to believe that a country that once stormed the beaches of Normandy is now too scared to send a teenage thug to juvie.
Meanwhile, the rest of the gang that attacked Coristine? Still out there. Still free. Still a threat. And yet the media wants us to feel sorry for these kids. They were “misunderstood.” They “made a mistake.” Give me a break. You don’t “mistakenly” jump a guy with ten of your friends at 3 a.m. That’s not a bad decision. That’s a crime.
Thankfully, President Trump took action by federalizing D.C. to crack down on crime—a move that was long overdue. Because if we leave it up to local Democrat officials and their activist judges, the only thing safer than being a criminal in D.C. is being a politician in Congress.
Edward Coristine thanked the police and the courts for their work, but let’s be honest—he deserved a whole lot better from the justice system. This wasn’t just a case of boys being boys. This was an organized, vicious attack. And the message the court just sent? “You can beat someone half to death in our city, just don’t do it again.”
This is what happens when you let the Left run wild with their “compassionate” justice reforms. Crime spikes, victims are ignored, and criminals get a second chance before their victims even get out of the hospital. The American people are tired of it.
We don’t need more lectures about rehabilitation. We need law and order. We need a system that protects the innocent and punishes the guilty. And we need to stop pretending that turning a blind eye to violence is some kind of moral high ground.
If this is the kind of justice we get under Democrat policies, then 2025 can’t be the year of excuses. It needs to be the year of consequences. Because if we don’t start protecting our citizens now, the next Edward Coristine might not be so lucky.