Laura Ingraham wrote a great book years ago titled, “Shut Up and Sing.” It was aimed at clueless celebrities and singers who wouldn’t shut up about George W. Bush and/or politics. If she does an updated version for the Trump era, we hope she calls it, “Shut Up and Leave.”
Celebrity Lalaland has become truly unhinged in the golden years of the Trump administration. The virtue-signaling drivel aimed at resisting America’s greatest president has become tiresome and we truly wish that the celebrity windbags would finally make good on their promise to “leave the country.”
Here are our top 9 celebrity choices for a one-way ticket to anywhere else in the world.
9. Ron Perlman
Ron Perlman’s foul-mouthed outbursts against President Trump on Twitter far exceed anything that Punchy De Niro or Samantha B-word have said. Unfortunately for Perlman, he’s not a big enough celebrity for his insults to gain much public attention.
By simply being his amazing self, President Trump finally caused Perlman to have a nervous breakdown and announce that he was taking a vacation from Twitter. Perlman wrote that he was going to go back to “the nobility of storytelling that celebrates our commonalities and not our differences.” Uh… okay, you do that, Hellboy… preferably somewhere in Europe.
8. Kevin Costner
Kevin Costner co-starred with a Mexican actor in one of his movies way back in 2002, so apparently that gives him the right to now lecture America on immigration policy. Speaking on “The View” about the current manufactured border crisis, Costner said he no longer recognizes America. (Spoiler alert: That’s because Hollywood has been transformed into part of northern Mexico by not enforcing the border, Kevin!)
Since Dances with Sanctimoniousness thinks we should all live under liberal rules, you need to return those Oscars that you culturally appropriated from Native Americans, Kevin. Please do so, right before hopping on a plane to Hong Kong.
7. Alec Baldwin
Worst Trump impersonation ever. After months of stinking up Saturday Night Live, Alec Baldwin did finally say something funny. He claimed that if he runs against President Trump in 2020, he would absolutely win! Now that’s a knee-slapper!
Please run in 2020, Alec! We’ve already got the audio of you calling your own daughter a “rude, thoughtless little piggy” cued up on an endless loop for your campaign commercials. But if you don’t run, Australia would probably be more than happy to take you.
6. Samantha B-word
What a feckless Comey! Ever since her vulgar, tasteless attack on the lovely Ivanka Trump, advertisers have been fleeing Samantha’s show like rats from a sinking ship. We give Samantha about two more weeks before she chops all her hair off like Kathy Griffin did after Trump broke her. Then she’ll really start to show her age. Don’t worry, Samantha… they like older women in France.
5. Eminem
Eminem announced that he has tons of totally wicked come-backs, one-liners and zingers that he’s going to throw at Trump on Twitter, just as soon as Trump responds to him. Yes, that’s correct. The genius rapper pulled the equivalent of Wile E. Coyote announcing his latest traps from the Acme Corporation to the Roadrunner.
It’s been even more hilarious to watch Eminem stamp his feet up and down in a temper tantrum because Trump keeps ignoring his tweets. “Why won’t you pay attention to me?! WHY?!” Canada’s nice this time of year, Eminem.
4. Robert De Niro
At least Costner still occasionally makes a decent movie. What’s your excuse, Punchy? Plus, it’s really classy the way you blame your girlfriend for all of your money troubles. Unless Alec Baldwin asks you to be his running mate, please just go away. We don’t even care which country you pick, just not this one. (We’re guessing it won’t be Mexico, though. Call it a hunch.)
3. Samuel L. Jackson
Jackson sent out a tweet suggesting that Paul Ryan, Mitch McConnel, Rudy Giuliani and President Trump were engaging in homosexual orgies in the White House. This is, of course, known as psychological projection. Even fans of Jackson were outraged by the “homophobic” nature of the tweet, but liberal Twitter ruled in favor of Jackson and did not force him to take the offending tweet down. Departing LAX in 15 minutes, please…
2. Johnny Depp
Depp asked the crowd a pointed question at his latest movie screening: “When was the last time an actor assassinated a president?” That would, of course, be the time that Democrat actor John Wilkes Booth assassinated a Republican president for freeing the slaves, Mr. Depp. Thanks for asking.
While we do hope that Depp moves someplace else soon, he might not get the chance. He’s looking like he’ll pull a Philip Seymour Hoffman any day now.
1. Peter Fonda
Peter Fonda’s disgusting suggestion that 12-year-old Barron Trump be kidnapped and locked in a cage with pedophiles shows you what’s really going on in the sick minds of these Hollywood weirdoes. Props to Donald Trump, Jr. for inviting Fonda to meet him on the playground if he ever wants to pick on someone his own size. If UFC President Dana White puts that on Pay-per-View, it would be the most entertaining fight to watch since Tyson-Holyfield I.
It would also be fun to watch Don, Jr. wearing Fonda’s teeth on a necklace when he successfully runs for president in 2024. All kidding aside, did anyone else find Peter Fonda’s threat against Barron to be… oddly specific?
Fonda has always given off a creepy don’t-let-him-babysit-your-kids sort of vibe, but the fact that locking a little kid in a cage with pedophiles would even enter his mind has us thinking that Jeff Sessions should examine Fonda’s hard drive. And then throw a black bag over his head and transport him to his new permanent residence in a cage at Guantanamo Bay.
The problem with celebrities sharing these types of reckless and dangerous fantasies (and then claiming that they were “just joking” as they issue a fake apology) is that it incites their followers to act – like the Bernie Bro who shot Congressman Steve Scalise at the Republican baseball practice in 2017.
They know this and that’s why they do it.
They also know that unless they threaten the president or vice president directly, they won’t be prosecuted for it. Maybe it’s time for Congress to extend that five-year felony prison sentence to protect the extended families of Executive branch leaders.
