Ladies and gentlemen, we have run out of synonyms for “jubilant!” It’s just too much winning! It’s too much, we can’t take anymore winning! Hold on a moment while we bathe in the salty tears of liberals for a moment to regain our strength. OK, that’s better.
Holy winning, Batman! No matter what conversation you have with friends, neighbors or acquaintances for the next three months – and no matter how out-of-context it seems to be – the punchline should always be, “And then, Justice Kennedy RETIRED!”
Your neighbor: “I was driving to my new high-paying job today and I had a flat tire! Bummer!”
You: “And then, Justice Kennedy RETIRED!”
If that doesn’t turn a frowny-face upside down, we don’t know what will!
It’s becoming difficult to keep up with all the wins lately. Either we’re all plugged into the Matrix like Keanu Reeves, or Donald J. Trump truly is the most remarkably successful conservative president in American history. There have simply been too many successes in recent weeks to keep track of.
Some are looking at the deranged, violent actions of the Democrats as their entire worldview is exposed as a fraud and saying that America is going through a horrible period right now. This is totally wrong. This is an amazing time for America – and therefore by extension, it’s horrible for the Democrats who are always rooting against America.
Before you allow yourself to feel an ounce of sympathy for the Democrats, who are having a really rough summer so far, just remember that these people spent eight years laughing as millions of Americans lost their health insurance. These are people who yelled, ‘Suck it, America!’ as the Obama Justice Department forced us to allow mentally ill, hairy perverts wearing dresses to share public restrooms with little girls. They sold guns to Mexican drug cartels in hopes that the resulting murderous chaos would trick Americans into abandoning our precious Second Amendment.
So, don’t pity the wailing and shrieking Antifa hordes for one millisecond. Accept the fact that they hate you and then revel in their tears. It’s truly liberating!
Let’s check Twitter to see how the mental health of Democrats is faring after Justice Kennedy announced his looming retirement. Wow! Judging by liberal responses, it looks like the F-word has become a ubiquitous sort of used-in-every-sentence-but-doesn’t-really-mean-anything word like que in Spanish. Every single liberal Tweet about the Kennedy retirement has at least one F-word in it. Some responses are just strings of F-words, over and over again. Que, que, que, que, que!
We just had a massive win streak for America at the Supreme Court to begin with, thanks to President Trump’s appointment of Neil Gorsuch last year. First, the court ruled that gay Democrats cannot spitefully force Christian bakers to bake penis-shaped cakes – for the sole purpose of offending the Christian baker’s religious sensibilities. Winning!
Next, the court took the Democrat Party’s labor union scam and nuked it from orbit, sort of like President Trump’s Space Force will be able to do to America’s enemies one day soon. The labor union racket has been a huge part of the reason why Democrats continue to get elected in close districts, despite Democrats not having any actual policy plans (aside from destroying America). Here’s how the scam has worked for the past several decades.
Democrats allowed labor unions to be formed, in which employees pretend that they created and own the company they work for. The unions use forced threats of strikes to extract exorbitant salaries and retirement schedules for themselves, far above what the normal private sector ever arranges in a normal employer-employee relationship.
In exchange for having the equivalent of mob bosses run the HR department, all employees at that company (or government agency) are forced to join the union and pay monthly dues – even if the employee is a die-hard conservative who is opposed to unions.
The bosses running the union then take those forced dues and funnel it directly into the campaign coffers of Democrats, who in turn fight for more power for the unions, and the circle remains unbroken.
Voters continuously reelecting people like Maxine Waters and Nancy Pelosi is a concept that doesn’t make sense on the surface, until you realize that no Republican stands a chance against the billions of dollars the labor unions siphon off their workers and give to the Democrats.
The only thing even vaguely comparable to the labor union/Democrat Party scam was the Citizens United decision, which finally allowed Republicans to begin running for office on an almost-level playing field. (John McCain and Lois Lerner came close to wrecking that chance for conservatives, though.)
Oh, well, none of that matters now! In a 5-4 decision, the Supreme Court smashed the union/Democrat scam with the hammer of justice and said they could no longer force employees to pay dues. That sound of the rushing Blue Tidal Wave that the Democrats have been predicting for 2018 suddenly turned into a weak trickle running down Chris Matthews’ leg, as he realized that the Democrat Party’s main funding source just dried up. So much winning!
Finally, the Supreme Court upheld President Trump’s Muslim ban. It’s not really a Muslim ban. It’s more like an extremely brief, temporary moratorium on the horde of Muslim immigrants and refugees coming in from some of the most terrorism-prone nations. But it’s fun to call it a Muslim ban, just to watch social justice Democrats with purple hair start literally pulling their purple hair out.
Not to mention the fact that it affirms President Trump’s authority to build the big, beautiful wall on our southern border, whether the feckless Congress wants it or not. And then, Justice Kennedy RETIRED! It’s too much winning!
North Korean peace talks. Tax cuts. Space Force. ICE arrests in every city. Second-quarter GDP revised upward to 4.5%. Rachel Maddow crying on TV. The president tossing Starburst candies at Germany’s Angela Merkel at the G7 summit and saying, “Don’t say I never gave you anything.” Is there room for one more heroic figure on Mt. Rushmore?
The only thing more fun than watching liberals melt down over Justice Kennedy’s retirement announcement is envisioning the not-too-distant future when we have multi-decade conservative stranglehold on the Supreme Court. Speaking of which, aren’t you feeling a little tired, Justice Ginsburg? Don’t you want to spend more time with the grandkids, while you still have time to enjoy it?
Picture a father driving down the street at this time next year, when his son will ask from the backseat, “Hey Dad, what’s that building that says, ‘Planned Parenthood’ on the side of it?” And the father responds, “Well, Johnny, that used to be the evilest building in our entire city. But that was before President Trump and Chief Justice Ted Nugent turned it into a laser tag arena!”
