You had better hurry up and log onto Amazon to snatch up that last copy of “If I Ran the Zoo” by Dr. Seuss for $970.43. If you don’t have that much spare change handy, since you still don’t have that $2,000 stimulus check promised by Joe Biden, then you might have to settle for a copy of “And to Think I Saw It on Mulberry Street” for $550.00, “On Beyond Zebra!” for $768.57 or “Scrambled Eggs Super!” for the low-low price of $884.44.
The communist Democrat Party, sometimes referred to as SJW cancel culture pansies or just plain old commies for short, have decided that the beloved Dr. Seuss’ children’s books are too dangerous for children to read – and they’re here to help!
The commie witch hunters have identified another iconic cultural item that has had racism hiding within its pages for the past century: Dr. Seuss books. Virginia got the ball rolling on canceling Dr. Seuss this year, because that’s a state that knows a LOT about fighting racism. Just ask Governor Ralph Northam, who is a noted expert on Ku Klux Klan robes and the evils of wearing blackface.
March is the month when the annual Read Across America program happens in schools (remember those?). And March 2 is the late Dr. Seuss’ birthday, so Read Across America typically launches with a day of encouraging kids to read some Dr. Seuss books. The Loudon County Public Schools system in Virginia made the announcement last week that Dr. Seuss was pretty much a secret racist using secret racism symbols in his books that only Loudon County Public Schools administrators with their racism sniffing superpowers were able to detect.
Noted anti-racism expert Joe Biden, who has hairy legs that captivate black children (I’m taking his word on this), also piled onto the late Dr. Seuss. For the first time in many years, the presidential proclamation for Read Across America in 2021 notably excluded Dr. Seuss or any mention of his birthday.
Seems weird, right? Back when Michelle Obama was First Lady, the media was absolutely delighted that she read a Dr. Seuss book to some kids at a public library. It was their first visual proof that Michelle could read! But then when Melania Trump did the same thing just a few years later, it suddenly became “problematic.”
The foundation that oversees Dr. Seuss’ estate has announced that it will discontinue publishing six of the author’s books that are most guilty of containing invisible racism vapors within their pages. Among those titles are the ones fetching such ridiculous prices on Amazon right now, mentioned at the top of this article. The foundation, by the way, raked in $33 million in 2020 based on the royalties from Dr. Seuss books, which continue to sell copies in the millions in more than 100 countries.
Dr. Theodor Seuss Geisel, of course, was a lefty prog who had massive creative talents at writing silly poetic verse and drawing captivating illustrations to accompany it. Leftwing communists are canceling the writings of amazing white authors these days and claiming that it’s due to “lack of representation.” How is a black person supposed to ever read a book if *gasp* every character in it is not black? The ultimate irony of canceling Dr. Seuss is that any child of any race could pick up a Dr. Seuss book and imagine themselves in the stories.
Dr. Seuss used colorful, nonsensical creatures to tell his stories in bright reds, blues, yellows, purples and greens. His stories were the most non-racist creations among children’s books that the world has ever seen, specifically because he didn’t put everyone into a designated race box. Dr. Seuss rarely used human characters of any race in his stories. (The little girl in “The Grinch Who Stole Christmas” is the only human character in any of his books that I can remember off the top of my head.)
Book burners are never the heroic good guys. Not ever. They burn the books today because they have really bad intentions for you and your children in the future. Stop putting up with this, Americans! If your local school district is burning Dr. Seuss or any other beloved classics, you know what to do. Go to the next school board meeting and call them out on it. We outnumber these commies and they always back down if we put a scare into them. And then vote the bums out in the next local election.