Like every other fake scandal and investigation against Donald Trump since 2015, the Stormy Daniels hoax can finally be laid to rest. In a bizarre decision, the Federal Election Commission voted 2 to 2 to 1 to 1 (I’ll explain below) to drop its “hush money” investigation of President Donald Trump. Out of all the hoaxes perpetrated against Trump, this one was the most upside-down. After two different women extorted money from a presidential campaign, the candidate and victim of that crime was smeared as the villain.
Just days before the 2020 election, over-the-hill porn actress Stormy Daniels extorted $130,000 from the Trump campaign, via Trump’s former lawyer Michael Cohen. Over-the-hill Playboy playmate Karen McDougal extorted the campaign for $150,000. This is extortion. Not alleged extortion. Just plain old-fashioned extortion-extortion.
You cannot go to a political campaign days, weeks, months or even years before an election and threaten to expose some kind of secret unless they pay you money. Period. Yet ever since the FBI raided Michael Cohen’s apartment years ago, Cohen, the media and the Washington, DC institutions that hate Donald Trump have claimed it was Trump who broke the law, because he didn’t write down Cohen’s extortion payments to these “ladies” down on campaign finance forms.
Some media outlets were even sloppier in their descriptions. Get a load of this. The New York Times wrote:
“The payment [$130,000 to Stormy Daniels] was far in excess of the legal limit for individual contributions for president, which was then $2,700.”
Uh… talk about apples and oranges. Yes, if Stormy Daniels had paid Donald Trump $130,000, it would have been “far in excess” of the individual contribution limit. But Trump’s lawyer paid $130,000 to Stormy Daniels. Is the Times claiming that Donald Trump actually benefited to the tune of $130,000 after his lawyer gave the money to the extortionist?
Trump, by the way, has never called this story anything other than a hoax and has never said that he slept with either one of these women. Has his slimy former attorney Michael Cohen ever said as much, under oath? Asking for a friend, since Cohen seems to have arranged the extortion payments to Daniels and McDougal without Donald Trump’s knowledge.
And it’s not as if any Trump supporter ever cared about the Stormy hoax one way or another. Most of the responses to the story were met with one of two responses, which were “And…?” and “That’s kind of hot.”
We didn’t care about Donald Trump’s personal life one way or another, because we voted for him to do the very important job of Not Being President Hillary Clinton. The fact that he turned out to be the most awesome, rip-roaring Republican president of all time was just extra gravy on the tater tots.
The hardest thing to believe about this story – other than the fact that the two extortionists were never charged with extortion and thrown in jail – is that the FEC was still investigating whether Donald Trump broke campaign finance laws in 2021. Must not have anything better to do!
The matter finally came to a vote on Friday at the FEC, which has three Republicans and three Democrats on it. Two Democrats voted that Donald Trump should totally be charged and fined for violating campaign finance laws after he was extorted for money. Two Republicans voted to dismiss the case because it was really dumb and a huge waste of national time, energy and taxpayer money. One Democrat didn’t show up for the vote, and one Republican (appointed by Trump) recused himself from the vote. That’s how it ended up a 2-2-1-1 vote to dismiss the entire stupid thing.
And to think it only took five whole years!
Trump issued a statement on Friday, thanking the FEC for finally dropping the Stormy Daniels hoax investigation. At long last, that story can go on the trash heap along with the Russian collusion hoax, the Impeachment 1.0 hoax, the Impeachment 2.0 hoax, the Jacob Trump Lego Tower hoax, and the Two Scoops of Ice Cream hoax.
I don’t know about you, but I’m glad we finally got that settled.